diao.. i sleep cannot down... AGAIN..

just hang up phone wif meisin awhile ago.. sigh.. i felt lonely.. y i cant sleep again..
feeling is like.. mentally not tired.. but physical friggin tired.. i guess i'm not going to slp anymore.. gonna go msia embassy later on to get my CNCC and hope this thing will be settled asap.. i wana get in the training asap..cause i wanted something to let me focus on, so that i wont be thinking too much.. m i idiot or what.. its just a mths r/s and i cant put it down? pls villies.. this aint ur character ya.. u gotta be strong.. i dont own him a living neither he owns me too.. maybe he's happily with other girl now and here i'm shreding tears for him.. wtf i'm doing.. well i guessed these few days i'll be bloggin regulary due to my emptyness in my heart.. sigh.. chatting phone with friends could only make my pain goes a while and it comes back the moment the conversation ends.. i kept consoling myself that, is his lost to lose me.. why why ..i dont understand why.. every now and then.. i ly on my bed.. close my eyes and force myself to sleep.. when i wake up, hp,msn,friendster is the 1st thing i would browse... jus to see whether he's online.. omg.. i'm doing shitty things to make myself suffer even more.. this is insane.. tianlong asked me to take some others for substitution... well, he got his point.. but y m i doing all this.. this will caused even more hurt if i uses someone to sub him ya.. and this is bad.. the ending result will still ends up same as this one.. these few days i'm making myself fucking tired, so i wont be thinking so much.. i thought i wont be thinking that much if i'm over tired.. all i need to do is to close my eyes and sleep all way till night.. well.. but.. backfired.. duhz.. when i sleep i still thought of him, i wake up i thought of him.. koazx.. i hate tat feeling.. i'm in living hell now.. he's really my pillar.. i rely on him too much.. i shouldnt have done that.. why i cant be independent like some others out there.. why?? Surrounding friends has been advising me to forget bout this r/s as it will ends up nowhere.. but have u ever realised that.. love is really blind.. u know he's bad.. but somehow the way he treated u.. tat memories cant be forgotten.. i really cant live on memories anymore and fucking faced the fact he's no longer mine.. NO LONGER MINE.. get this in mind.. now guai guai go take shower and head down to the embassy and get your things done and head back home and have a fucking good sleep.. seriously.. these 3 days.. i slept only few hrs.. but y m i not tired at all.. heng i dint done any stupid thing like go down to find him or what.. koazx.. if not.. the result will be.. i'm a loser.. i bring up the breaking of this r/s and now i want it back.. wth is this.. y m i being so undecisive of all times.. sigh.....


Flame to Dust
Lovers to Friends
Why do all good thing comes to an end?

Villies d0wn