I turned and turned.. trying hard to find position to sleep.. but all my mind was thinkin bout tml.. from 12 plus.. i been trying to call my frens .. just to talk.. or those who stayed near me.. wana come out to talk or what... but to no avail.. in the end i found meisin.. she accompany me chatting on phone.. tat makes me feel better.. i just 1 2 have someone by my side.. or someone to talk too.. need not to mention bout my dad's situation.. is just the company counts.. i think my whole mind is negative now.. all thoughts are actually being link to another thoughts automatically..i cant control.. i'm not depression.. i know how's tat feel .. maybe i 'm over worried and tense up.. in another 4 hrs.. i gotta wake up and shower.. and head down to nuh.. i feel comfortable and easy when i was visiting my frens / relative last time... but not tis time.. i sees my dad's expression that he is suffering pain inside out but always putting on a smiley face to face me and my mum..lots of thought den kept coming to my mind.. wad if my parents medisave is dryed up? whose gonna maintain the house.. i wana quit everything of wad i haf now.. but that's a foolish thought of mine.. angel and devils are battling my mind.. so lost and confused yet no one could really pull me up.. i duno how many things i gonna promised to myself from now onward to make all these pain to be past..if heaven must take away my dad.. please take me along also.. cause my dad will be lonely. i find myself useless when my dad haf to put up needles pains and i tis fucking daughter can only stand by side and console and talk to him.. i find myself useless that why cant share the pain wif me.. if anything will to happen.. i fucking blame myself.. this blame will never be forgiven.. i blame myself why i don treasure what i used to have.. or that's a retribution to me.. making me loses the most impt character in my life.. i'm getting paranoid.. ....i'm confused.. i couldnt turn back to my positive mentally now.. all i can do is wait , console, spent time wif him.. and nothing else..