Why?

why when i just wanted to have a simple r/s and there are always obstacle..
Obstacle are not within.. but.. sigh..

Its tiring.. m i jealous? am i being selfish...? i dint know how to answer that...

Having friends ard aint a bad thing.. but.. with a good friend or bad is a choice up to yourself..
and how many fucking times must i repeat myself.. i cant prevent u to stay away.. neither i can control u within your friend's boundary..

I M TIRED..

I'M TIRED FOR GETTING MYSELF A R/S.
just these short 1 mth plus..
and no, ur not in wrong. that's ur character.. for 29 yrs.. i cant changed it overnite..
but i got no patience in enduring it.
i want u to have more market value. and not ANY RIDER to any girls..

seriously i cant believe i can actually blog this online.. and I DID.. be it whatever it is...

Now whatever things u told me.. like u say u gonna meet a girlfriend of urs.. just for smoking.. i cant believe that it is really pure smoking.. u understand?? If i had knew all these.. this r/s wont be starting at all..
and ur not wrong fer being trueful towards everything happens.. for what i know everything happens fer a reason... but.. i think i already given myself too much in you...
i really got no patience in changing..

look into ur hp. how many of dem u actually in contact?
look into ur msn. how many of dem u actually seen dem b4?
look into ur stuffs? i can find diaries of ur past telling dem how good and best gf u ever had..
i can forgive.. but.. i cant forget..

and i hate myself having this thoughts running into me always...

now that u found a job.. i m happy.. at least.. u got proper stuffs to concentrate on..

the least fear i had in myself for having a r/s has come true.
i dowan any calls, sms anymore.
i dowan to sit in the car and talk and talk...
can i just be my original self and hack care everything just like what i am last time??

sorry and i duno where to start the trust... trust already broken when we had the 1st quarrel.

i dowan myself to call and suspecting these and that always and thinking whether u are doing the right or wrong things behind me back.. i cannot...

i dowan myself to become like.. IF one day u din contact me.. my 1st reaction would be.. is sam OK? is he alright.. TO " why sam din call me the whole day.. is he with other girls?" .....

this is over, i tell myself. and really over.