its been 3 mths since i last blog...
well..i'm back in my depressed mood... my dad's left with weeks or even days.. that what the nurse said... "fed him whatever he wants to eat now"...the nurse said.. i duno how to express the pain inside my heart... i duno... i'm sad..at the point of time i din what to do or react... i wanted someone by my side... or rather say i just want attention... i feel i'm alone.. is not that frens aint any use ... is just that when i'm alone... i feel really alone... i want my dad to be alright.. i want him to recover... thats impossible now.. he behaves like a infant now.. needed 24/7 care.. poor mum been very strong.. i wanted to share her load... but she kept assuring me that she's fine..Few mths back when my dad was diagnose with liver-lung cancer...i remembered how my mum tells me how much she hates my dad... but.. she's actually the one who is taking care of my dad now... we are just a simple 3 member family... why we all have different self thoughts... my dad likes to keep thoughts to himself.. my mum kept blaming anything,everything.. and me... i'm lost... i duno how to said it out... failure.. few weeks back.. i held my dad's hand... that was when he is still able to move around.. i told him to be brave... saying me & my mum will be beside him always and forever... "i love u,dad"..
he kept quiet... i went back to my room and cry.. seeing him now makes me feels reluctant..as in he is still as quiet ... he refuse to have his medicine.. refuse to eat.. and.. he refused my heart to him.. i'm tired... mentally.. i wished i can join him and begin a new journey with him..
how life would be without u... no words expressed... silently.. but our heart touches..

-Villies-